I didn't think I would write here again, but I have no other place to, really.

I leave for school on Friday, and I don't want to go. In my whole life, I've never had a reason to stay. I've wanted to leave since I could grasp the concept. Why does there have to be someone now, of all times, that's worth me staying? It's not fair.

I made the decision a long time ago, I have to go, but I don't want to lose the one person I've actually felt something besides numbness for. I don't know what to do.

I used to be so much smarter. or maybe I just thought I was. I don't know.

wow, i lack any sense of profoundness at this point.

Right now I am in Government, seriously trying to avoid doing any work. For some reason or another I got myself sucked into this Crime and Punishment trial. Also, I have to do my portfolio. I don't really have anything good to put in it so I am writing this short story called, "What if Math was Important?" I think it will probably be considered #5 in all short stories ever written.

In other news, I got my lip pierced and it still is swollen. I am fighting the urge to take the stud out and poke at the hole. It's so awesome when I wake up, the right side of my lip is twice the size of the other.

mood: bored
music: annoying silence of annoying people

Today I worked for four hours, and yet it wasn't so bad. I "blocked" in grocery for an hour and I didn't hate it. Actually, I'd much rather do that for eight hours than talk to people. Speaking of that, I've been eighteen for a while, why haven't I switched to a different department?! ugh.

Friday was spent finishing the Yearbook Deadline, again. Which means doing other peoples work, again. Ultimately, it wasn't as bad as last time but annoying none the less because we totally could of had everything if we could just find the stuff for the junior page. Oh well, it was 7:30 at night and I'd been working on it since 1:30, no way in hell was I going to fuck around with it anymore.

On Saturday, Aaron and I were totally going to either go to Howe Caverns or Syracuse. Neither happened because of the damn storm. So, Aaron ended up going home early so he wouldn't die in a car crash and I just drank myself into oblivion.

Speaking of oblivion, I got the acceptance letter from University at Buffalo, yesterday. Am I not the only one that feels completely retarded saying "university at blah"? Also, the Taste of Chaos sold out before I could buy tickets and I am pretty pissed off and sad about it. I totally never thought it would sell out for some reason.

( KIM!! )

I think Hannaford is trying to contact me so i'll just stay online all day. I know I complained about not having hours but it's so annoying when they try to ask you to work without any notice. Especially since, for me at least, I have to know ahead of time to i can be in that work mentality.

Anyway, I got my second acceptance letter the other day. It was University at Albany, the biggest party school in America, apparently. Yeah, so, I probably won't go there unless they turn out to be amazing.

A few days ago I got my first acception letter. It was to Le Moyne College with a $5,000 per year scholarship. I sort of just want to say okay I'll go there because they were the first to accept me but I need to wait for the seven other colleges to get back to me. Plus, I could still get into Cornell, so I have to wait for that. I really hate this and now I have to fill out 304490380934 fafsa.

music: ender_finch

The most exciting thing about this week is that Mock Trial is starting!
I am currently sitting here waiting for Aaron to come take me to work for 3 hours.. wow. I didn't go to school today because in the past two nights i've only gotten 5 hours of sleep total. I didn't get much sleep staying home, either. I just have way too much stuff on my mind but when I try to figure out what I'm thinking about, I can't. It only comes out when I am trying to sleep and I can't resolve it.

"I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one."

Dear Friends,
If anyone has anything they want to do tonight, let me know. I have to work until 9pm so I can't do anything until then. I don't really have any ideas, except maybe go out to dinner, so anything is welcome. Just reply, yo.

Ten seconds left until midnight.
nine chances to drown ourselves in black hair dye.
eight faces turned away from the shock.
seven windows and six of them were locked.
five stories falling forever and ever.
three cheers to the mirror.
now there are two of us.
Can we have one last dance?

My goal tomorrow is to make sims of Erica, Katie, and I.

I AM AN IDIOT.

I came to the awful realization today that I did not send my ACT scores to some of the colleges that I applied to. Actually the only colleges I sent them to were ones that I didn't really want to go to. Why, why, why can't they just accept the score that is printed on the transcript? It's not like the college gets any of the $7 it costs to send a score report. I hope some kind of natural disaster happens and kills me because I can't even remember all the places I applied.

mood: annoyed
music: "Make War" _ Bright Eyes

Sometimes I find myself referring to my sims characters as though they are real people.

mood: blank
music: You will. You? Will. You? Will. _ Bright Eyes

Since I had to go to work I can only utter this small statement; Closer is the sexiest movie of all time.

This is an open invitation to everyone I know in real life:

If you want to come to my "birthday party" on THURSDAY (TOMORROW!!) Then reply to this and let me know!
It's at DENNY'S at 7:00pm (you don't have to buy anything if you don't want to ((but someone needs to) and I will have cake!) SO I EXCEPT THAT

ASHLEY JOHNSON

ERICA

KATIE

KIM

and

CHRISTINA

will all reply to this.

BILL you are invited to come if you want. MARY needs to be forced to come and ANYONE ELSE can if they want.

IF YOU NEED A RIDE JUST LET ME KNOW.

okay i am done.

I think I will spend my birthday money on this. What is better than the sexiness of The Used combined with A Static Lullaby with the possibility of underoath? Nothing! Well, except maybe Kevin Spacey and John Cusack coming to my birthday party.

( oh man.. christmas party 2004 )

"We got attacked and he went and bombed people. He's just fucking doing the job that we sort of, not really, elected him to do. That's what the president does. That's what anybody would have done. Fucking Nader would have done it. What did we expect him to do, get a bottle of jack and hole up in a Motel 8 going, "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do anymore." Yeah, you know, that's for the vice-president to do, apparently, not the president. That's what he was supposed to do. Seriously, I don't cum all over myself when the guy at the donut shop gets my order right. "
- David Cross

MARY THIS ICON IS FOR YOU. It's not that awesome because I didn't know what you wanted.

( I so agree with this. enter at your own risk. )